Here is mine:
Dear Gym Goers,
Correct me if I am wrong, but I thought the purpose of going to the gym was to get sweaty, and let's say........work out? However, I get the drift that most of you are there for other reasons. What, with all the cologne you are wearing, and the minimal amount of clothing that is covering your body, and LACK of sweat dripping off of you, one might get the wrong impression. That perhaps you aren't there to work out, but rather, you are there to pick up chics or to be part of a social cliche, or to look your best. For those of us who are there to use the gym for it's original purpose , we tend to get a little choked up by the cloud of fumes permeating off your body. Do you think that the 12.2 ounces of cheap perfume you put on is going to cover up the stench of your sweat, should you actually decide to break into one? However, I do get enjoyment out of watching a mini soap opera unfold before my very eyes. It is extremely interesting when things get a little monotonous on the treadmill to watch the girls fall all over one guy who clearly thinks he is Romeo. Only to see that girl A, has now found out about girl B. Oooh, can't wait til next week's episode. As for me, please don't talk to me while I am running, WITH headphones on(those aren't by accident), and try to strike up a conversation. I am not there to do anything but workout, and get an old fashion sweat on.
Dear Angry guy at the gym,
Why so angry? Is it all the pretentious gym goers? They make me angry too, I understand. But Angry guy, I think your anger goes deeper. You were hitting that punching bag like you saw a face in it that drove you to kill. Who has made you so mad Angry guy? Has someone offended you beyond your control? With all the muttering and mumbling to yourself, I have to believe that you were either talking to your inner voice, or practicing what you would say to the person that has made you so angry when you encounter them. Good luck with your inner demons. And remember, it's easier to smile than frown, so turn that frown upside down.
Nevermind that last statement. Forget I said anything.
I promise to stay out of your way Angry guy.
Dear Lady who sings out loud with headphones on,
You are at the gym, not an audition. You are singing loud, very loud in fact. People can hear you. And they are laughing.